ANITA: Behind the Scenes

Here's your chance to finally watch  Anita.
 But remember once you see it you cannot unsee it.

Recently an award-winning short film I starred in, "Anita" played at the Filmbar in Phoenix.  I had always hoped to have this film play in Phoenix.  I am very proud of this film and my work in it, even though I play an absolutely despicable human being.  Many of my friends came to the showing that night and it was received very well by the audience.  Since so many of my family and friends are not in Phoenix and many have asked for the chance to see it, I can now finally share a link to watch it.  So please take 20 uninterrupted minutes and watch it on as big a screen as you can because it will have more impact than if you watch it on your phone at work and get distracted a million times.  Afterward remember, I WAS JUST ACTING!  You've been warned, lest you want to potentially think of me differently after viewing. Then continue reading the blog and you can learn about my time making it over 5 days in Flagstaff and all the challenges that came with it.  Without further adieu, here is "Anita":

https://m.youtube.com/watch?t=10s&v=gqfyAhnN4LQ

Well if you made it back to this point, let me first thank you for taking the time to watch it.  Second, I hope you still want to be my friend.  But seriously this was a very challenging role to take, to do and to then watch myself on screen acting in such a manner. Let's start at the beginning.

Preparing for the most challenging role I may ever have.

In February 2018 I was auditioning for a different movie and afterward the casting director told me he had another film he thought I'd be great for and would I be interested in auditioning for something else.  I did and it was for "Anita".  The casting call was looking for a male my age to play an abusive father and someone who could potentially speak French.  So that was all it said and abusive can mean so many different things.  None of them good of course, but not all of them as evil as it turned out to be.  I had taken French in high school with Madame Balasis(those who had her remember her wackiness very well) so of course I speak french! As an actor when asked to do anything your first response is always, "Yes, I can do that." So of course I'm a French linguist, even though it was 20+ years ago and I haven't spoken any of it since.  C'est Bon! As far as auditions go, they usually give you a scene or two to do in front of people.  But those scenes don't always give you the full scope of the movie.  In this case I auditioned for the writer/Director and the casting director and I knew it went great.  I spoke the french well, even though I had no idea what I said, but I remember how to read and speak it.  Madame Balasis always told me I had "perfect intonation and annunciation".  Who knew that would actually prove valuable at any point in my life!  You generally know when you audition well, you can feel it, and afterward they asked me to wait while they auditioned a few others.  When they were done they told me they really liked me and they wanted me to read the whole script. So I did and soon realized the full scope of the part that I had just auditioned for.  But to their credit they wanted me to know before things went any further.  They didn't offer me the part at that moment, but I was in the mix and they wanted me to be fully aware if I was to stay in the running.  The next day, or maybe a few days later, they offered me the part. Now I had thought about the heaviness of this part since reading the full script and I was on the fence, but I'm telling you as an actor when someone offers you a part you almost instinctively shout  "Yes" every time.  In this case I knew that the production quality  was going to be very high-level and it would be an immensely challenging character to play and I have enjoyed stretching myself as an actor, so I readily signed on.

Kelcie and I rehearsing with me likely telling a bad joke.

We had some rehearsals ahead of filming which was going to take place over 5 days in Flagstaff, Arizona in March 2018.  During rehearsal is when I finally had the chance to meet Kelcie Weber who would play Anita.  I thought my role was challenging, hers maybe more so.  Either way, we would both need to be prepared for some intense days. For a lot of films you don't have any rehearsal. It's usually a time issue and people not always being close by, so once you get on set, that's it.  In this case it was nice to have the chance to meet Kelcie ahead of time and practice.  We seemed to instantly have a good rapport and it appeared to me that we would work well together.  Obviously this was some intense stuff so it was really important for us to be in sync.  It's such a serious film but some levity was brought to the whole situation by being able to meet and rehearse ahead of time.

Family photos.  Doesn't Anita looked thrilled?  
Look closely in the film and you'll see it in the background.

When it was time for filming, they had rented an Air BnB  in Flagstaff and we had the bottom floor of a house.  Ironically they chose this particular location because the room had a giant fireplace.  However good luck seeing in the movie. The owners lived upstairs and were there the whole time and fully aware of what we were doing.  I met them and ironically they were from Marquette, Michigan and had moved to Arizona a number of years before. So I took that as a good omen from the start.  They even had a broken guitar, for whatever reason, so they let us use that, which if you did indeed watch the movie all the way through, you know that was a vital prop. In fact everything in the room was specific to the movie.  They cleared out the whole room and brought in all the furniture and props, everything was relevant to the characters whether you actually noticed the props or not.  Detail beyond any project I've ever worked on before or since.

Getting underway with Scene 1.  
Interesting being in bed with literally 25+ people around you.

As I recall the first day on set we just did blocking and walk through rehearsing.  It was all filmed in a bedroom, so a tight space and we spent time figuring out where the camera could be and all the crew and such when we did certain scenes.  A really good film figures this stuff out so that each shot gets the best quality look and there is more movement in this film then you may think, even if you just watched it.  We move around the bed and on the floor and such and you need different camera angles for everything.  When we finally got to filming, the day started with both of us in hair and makeup.  They had multiple people doing this, even though there were only 2 of us.  Then we started shooting and for the most part we filmed in order, which is not always the case. So we started with us on the bed and Anita telling me to Fuck Off in French.  Rehearsing and preparing is one thing, but when the camera is on it's time to perform and hopefully we would have the right chemistry on-screen.  Her cursing at me was the perfect way to start.

Getting notes from Director Mariah Jones.

After a long day we wrapped and everyone was pleased as it seemed to go really well.  Kelcie and I had seemed to find a good rapport, which is the only way this film works.  She couldn't just hate my character, after all I adopted her as a kid, when no one else did, so to her character she had to be conflicted about someone that took her in and "loved" her while also realizing later on that what he'd done is wrong and horrible.  So there were many layers for her to convey.  Just like there was for me because for my character he "saved" her and doesn't think what he's doing is necessarily wrong so I had to not just be an angry abuser but show "love" and that I care about her in my own demented way. Needless to say, challenging and after Day 1 we felt good on the direction it was going. Onto to Day 2 when the first thing we learned while sitting in hair and make up(I hardly needed any, I have perfect skin after all, I am a model) is the guy operating the sound screwed it up yesterday so everything we did was without sound and would have to be redone. Clearly not good news.  However, with every project I've been on I am happy to redo anything because the more you do it, the better you get at that scene and new ideas come about and after all, yesterday was Day 1 and Kelcie and I were still figuring each other out. So it did indeed set us back in time but we'd already blocked and shot everything once so all of the technical stuff was out of the way and we could just act the scenes out again.  In the end I would say it was a blessing. In the moment, sacre bleu!

There was more choreography than you may think with our dance scene.

Day 2 went really well, the sound issues were resolved.  We did the dance scene, which really took a lot of time as our movements had to be shot from different angles and again the room was a tight space for the 25+ crew and camera. As we headed into Day 3 we were going to focus the day on the scene where I draw on her body, highlighting her problem areas with a sharpie.  Certainly it was going to be an intense day.  If you watch it back you will see that I have all the lines in that scene, but Kelcie is completely exposed and has to cry, so it was challenging.  I could only really draw on her once as the sharpie would be too hard to wash off for multiple takes, so we had to get it right.  Plus I was going to have to touch her and make an absolutely uncomfortable situation seem "normal" to my character.  The Director cleared the room for this scene so it was really just the Camera and sound and her and us two.  We rehearsed multiple times because I wanted to get it right, of course, but I only wanted Kelcie to be exposed as little as possible.  So we rehearsed and rehearsed and then I asked to rehearse again.  Each time I had it right but I was nervous.  Finally the Director said we are doing it and of course about halfway through I screwed up a line. I felt so terrible, I really did.  So we did it again and that's what you see on film.  We had to shoot a few different angles, it was a tough day.  I'm honestly not sure if Kelcie and I spoke to each other off camera all day.  We were both in a weird and difficult place that day.  Considering we were the only two actors and there is tons of downtime when filming, we seemed to stay apart. Easily the most uncomfortable I've ever been on set and it was nobody's fault, just the heaviness of what we just did.  That night I had a bit of a freak out and I talked at length with my Manager Erin-Marie. At that moment I was really conflicted with haven taken this role and playing such a horrible person and having it on film, but she talked me down and she probably has no idea how much that truly helped me get through it.  I never really thought of walking away but I definitely was in a weird space after being "Hayden" for 3 days. You can't be that evil and then just go back to being your regular self, well not  unless you really are a sociopath.

This was not an easy role to play and it messed me up a bit for a few days after.

Day 4 came and we did the death scene.  I spent over an hour in makeup as they built a fake neck on my neck that was bloody and looked like someone that had been strangled.  I had to lay perfectly flat the whole time with my head tilted.  It was really uncomfortable.  We did that scene a number of times and the lead up to it with Anita on the floor and climbing up on the bed towards me. This was the ultimate scene in the movie so it had to be done right.  We did a number of variations of my look as I am dying.  Originally they wanted me to smile as I died as though I knew this day would come.  But ultimately we went with me just struggling and fighting back and closing my eyes.  One of the reasons I knew this film would turn out well is because they had me do my lines many different ways.  Some really angry, some really loving, some in between.  Then they had all the footage to piece together and had variations for each point of the film.

Anita getting ready to climb up on the bed and end her misery.

Watching the playback of Anita killing me with Director Mariah Jones. 
When I saw this I instantly new we had something special.

As I recall, Day 5 was just some inserts and light reshoots, nothing heavy and it was only a few hours.  We wrapped and I drove back home.  When you finish any movie its a strange experience as you've just spent time being someone else and in this case 5 days of being someone horrible.  I felt uncomfortable and gross for a day or two. I had another minor episode of "What have I done?" knowing this would be on film forever and people may get a bad impression of me.  It's a quandary in that if I play the character well people will hate me and at the same time if I don't do a good job the movie will suffer and people will see that I can't act. So I really struggled with that. However I knew we had just done something special, as creepy as it is.  During the filming of the sharpie scene is when I found out this was based on a true story.  To which I immediately said they have to open the movie with that so that people know it's not just a vicious movie and that I'm not just a horrific made up character but a real one.  Unfortunately a bad man,  but I felt the audience needed to know that.  They thought it was a good idea and were going to consider adding that and ultimately did and when you see that at the end it really does have an impact.

The final shot of movie.  That a wrap!

We finished shooting in March 2018 and their first goal was to show it at the historic Orpheum Theater in Flagstaff in May for a Film Festival. So I waited for that and saw no footage and no pictures before then. I had felt when working on it that we really had something good but I had no way of knowing.  Editing, music, sound quality, it all plays so much of a factor for any movie, you just never know how it will turn out.  Leading up to the premier I decided to not shave because I wanted to look as different as I could from filming.  It's a big theater and it was sold out that night.  I was very nervous for many reasons.  The Director of the festival recognized me, as he had watched all the films, and he came over to me.  We talked and I mentioned I had not seen our film yet, no footage at all.  He then told me I was "excellent" and that gave me a moment of calmness. When it finally played it was surreal watching myself.  Even I felt gross at times.  I had no idea how the audience would respond to such a dark film but they seemed to embrace it as it was greatly received and won the first of many awards that night before being sent to film festivals all over the country.  When it finally played in Phoenix a few weeks ago, I hesitated to even invite my friends because I didn't want them to potentially view me differently.  No one had seen it but me.  However that night, Kelcie and I were warmly received.  People were shocked and uncomfortable, I'm sure, but the compliments afterward were very appreciative and humbling.  I may never again play a character so dark or challenging but I am happy that I stretched myself to do it.  Playing this character in many ways has made me a true actor. It was an incredibly difficult 5 days in Flagstaff making this but it was also a privilege to be a part of this no matter how dark it was or how it makes me look.  It's acting.

However, it does seem like it's time for me to finally do something a little lighter! 
Perdre la boule!

The beard didn't disguise me very well as I was recognized by seemingly everyone that night, 
but in the end I am extremely proud to have been a part of this film.